Man's Search - The Tortured Mind - the Traditional Approach - The Trap of Respectability - The Human Being and the Individual - The Battle of Existence - The Basic Nature of Man - Responsibility - Truth - Self-transformation - Dissipation of Energy - Freedom from Authority

M
AN HAS THROUGHOUT the ages been seeking something beyond himself, beyond material welfare something we call truth or God or reality, a timeless state something that cannot be disturbed by circumstances, by thought or by human corruption.
 Man has always asked the question : what is it all about? Has life any meaning at all? He sees the enormous confusion of life, the brutalities, the revolts, the wars, the endless divisions of religion, ideology and nationality, and with a sense of deep abiding frustration he asks, what is one to do, what is this thing we call living, is there anything beyont it?
 And not finding this nameless thing of a thousand names which he has always sought, he has cultivated faith - faith in a saviour or an ideal - and faith invariably breds violence.
 In this constant battle which we call living, we try to set a code of conduct according to the society in which we are brought up, whether it be a Communist society or a so-called free society; we accept a standard of behaviour as part of our tradition as Hindus or Muslims or Christians or whatever we happen to be. We look to someone to tell us what is right or wrong behaviour, what is right or wrong thought, and in following this pattern our conduct and out thinking become mechanical, our responses automatic. We can observe this very easily in ourselves.
 For centuries we have been spoon-fed by our teachers, by our authorities, by our books, our saints. We say, 'Tell me all about it - what lies beyond the hills and the mountains and the earth?' and we are satisfied with their descriptions, which means that we live on words and our life is shallow and empty. We are second-hand people. We have lived on what we have been told, either guided by our inclinations, our tendencies, or compelled to accept by circumstances and environment. We are the result of all kinds of influences and there is nothing new in us, nothing that we have discovered for ourselves; nothing original, pristine, clear.
 Throughout theological history we have been assured by religious leaders that if we perform certain rituals, repeat certain prayers or mantras, conform to certain patterns, suppress our desires, control our thoughts, sublimate our passions, limit our appetites and refrain from sexual indulgence, we shall, after sufficient torture of the mind and body, find something beyond this little life. And that is what millions of so-called religious people have done through the ages, either in isolation, going off into the desert or into the mountains or a cave or wandering from village to village with a begging bowl, or, in a group, joining a monastery, forcing their minds to conform to an established pattern. But a tortured mind, a broken mind, a mind which wants to escape from all turmoil, which has denied the outer world and been made dull through discipline and conformity - such a mind, however long it seeks, will find only according to its own distortion.

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" XX씨가 참석하면 나는 안갈래요. "
" 아니 왜요? 무슨 일 있었어요? "
" 그냥요... 아무래도 XX씨는 나를 좋아하지 않는 것 같아요. "

나의 직장 생활에서 편가르기 만큼은 제발 없었으면 좋겠다고 생각했는데, 이게 무슨 조화란 말인가. 그것도 내가 장기 출장으로 회사에 없는 시기에! 도대체 그녀는 왜 나를 그렇게 생각할 수밖에 없었을까. 사실 그녀가 나를 달갑지 않게 생각한다는 것쯤은 이미 알고 있었다. 아무리 생글생글 웃어도 사람의 진심은 좋은 식으로건 나쁜 식으로건 전해지기 마련이다. 그리고 사실 마주칠 기회가 잦지 않았기 때문에, 별 상관은 없었다. 어차피 업무 자체가 다른데 뭘... 그런데 최근 알게 된 얘기에서 난 좀 벙찔 수밖에 없었다. 글세, 그녀가 나를 좋지 않게 생각하는 이유가 - 내가 그녀를 좋아하지 않기 때문이라나.

나한테 함부로 저런 말을 해서는 안된다. 내 상식에서는 " 그녀는 레즈비언이 분명해. 내 관심을 받고 싶어하는거라구. "라고 생각 할 수밖에 없다. 그래서 그렇게 늘 틱틱거렸구나. 그럼 진작 말을 하지. 저는 꽤나 관대한 성의식을 가지고 있는 사람이라서, 그런 것쯤은 일도 아니예요. 아 맞다, 그런데 이건 좀 생각 해봐야 겠네요. 당신은... 내 타입과는 거리가 좀 멀군요.

아무리 생각해도 그녀가 나를 질투하는 이유를 모르겠다. 내가 좀 인기가 많긴 하지만은, 밉보일 행동은 별로 한 적이 없었던 것 같은데... 상사로부터 칭찬을 듣고, 팀장은 다른 팀 프로젝트에 묶여 있는 나를 빼내지 못해 안달이고, 회사 밖에서 동료들과 사교 모임을 좀 자주 갖기는 하지만... 그런 것도 없다면 대체 무슨 재미로 산단 말인가. 그러니까 질투가 나면 내게 고백을 해! 정중하게 거절해 드릴게요.



오랜만에 헛소리.
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그렇게 그 날 추억하기

from Música 2008. 5. 15. 20:10

Mondo Grosso - 1974 Way Home


The way I was going home,
the guy,
the smile...
And the love.



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